It Feels like a Tomato Hitting a Wall

It's been a month now and people have all kinds of questions. I suppose the big question is "How am I doing?". All these fun stories about Japan are interesting but I guess what's missing is a real update about what I've been going through emotionally.

In the last few weeks it seems that I've been experiencing a retro Jetlag. I've been getting very tired at strange parts of the day and waking up every night at about 4:00am. This has been happening for about 5 days now. Waking up and not really being able to get back to sleep. It's similar to the feeling of an actual Jetlag like the one I experienced when I got here. 13 hour difference really screwed with my system. It was sort of neat too because we got up super early and had more opportunity to do stuff. However, what I'm experiencing today, I think, is more of a culture overload.

Right now, it feels like my brain can't work correctly. During the day when I'm not doing my job, I find that it's becoming difficult to focus on alternative tasks, like reading my Star Wars book or learning Japanese. I'm not day dreaming, just not thinking. I think the expression is zoning out, but I'm not sure. I'm consciously there but I notice that my mind is not actually thinking about any specific thought. I get frustrated that Helene can multitask right now and I can't. She deals with stress by keeping busy. I deal with stress by shutting down. By the time I get home, I just feel exhausted and I end up vegging out in front of the TV and passing out early. (I've watched all four seasons of "How I met your Mother" this month) Through the night, as my brain relaxes, I start thinking about things. Things that I should do, things bothering me, funny stories and things that I want to write on this blog. Sometimes, I get up and have a snack or something but overall I don't really fall asleep again. Just end up tossing and terning for the rest of the night and being overly caffeinated tfor the rest of the next day.

I hope to find a gym or some kind of alternative exercising like Aikido or Kendo but I haven't been feeling motivated to research these things at this time. Perhaps, I will visit the gym I found tomorrow. Helene suggests that I try meeting with some form of Zen meditation master in order to focus my thoughts and find my inner Chi or something like that. I may do that as well. That may sound weird and lame but over here many people talk about that kind of thing. Spirituality is very important for Japanese people. So finding your center and focus is very important. I suppose at this stage in my life, I could really use greater focus to find myself. This is sort of the point of this trip to Japan. I hope to find myself.

Why is this happening? Well I've been thinking about my spacing out and I realised that I'm over-stimulated. When you visit a place, the first few weeks are fun and exciting because everything is new and the things you don't understand don't really matter because you typically won't be around long enough for them to matter. Plus, if you're visiting a place you typically visit all the tourist things and they are designed to be idiot proof. So far, I've barely touched the tourist attractions of Kyoto, I've been too busy setting my life up here. What's happening now, is that all of these little things are now coming into the foreground and confusing me to hell. Generally, I can do my job and get the things done that I need to be done but it's all the little things that make the big things run smoothly. Right now, all the little rocks are making the road very bumpy.

As I mentioned before, almost nothing here is in English and most people do not speak English. So I have to get by on the Japanese diagrams and pray for there to be pictures or something to help me. In order to explain one of the little things that bother me, I'll use this example. I've been trying to get a map of one of the train systems in my area. From what I understand there are about 4 or 5 different train systems. I've gotten two maps already. I'm at one of the train stations where I usually catch the train I need. I ask the ticket booth guy for a map of the system. Basically, I say "Map Please" using my little pocket dictionary. At first he gives me a general map showing the main routes and main stations for all of Japan, all written in Japanese. I ask him for a more detailed map by saying "Map, Detailed Please". After fuddling around for a bit, he passes me a detailed map of the area I wanted but it's still all written in Japanese characters. At least at this point I have what I want, I just need to find it in English. So the plan this week is to take this map and say "English Please" at the main train station. Hopefully, I will get one.

This is a menu.

Honestly, most of the little things are not as complicated as the above example. Sometimes, it's just going to the supermarket and looking at the labels and not actually realising what the item is. One of the things that bothers us is that we don't know what items we can buy. Can we buy X and if so what item on the shelf is X and where is X sold. Sometimes its just about going to the right store. Every supermarket seems to sell different things. But, I'm digressing again.

In short, I'm overwhelmed, I have no idea what's going on around me, but at the same time I'm loving it. I have another friend in Japan right now and he got here about a month or so before I did. We finally started talking on Skype (mike.steinberg1) and he explained to me that he has a new story everyday. I agree. with that. There are so many little things that are worth telling a story about. I honestly wish I had enough energy everyday to get on this blog and tell a story. For example, on Thursday I went to a Toys 'R' Us and they have little TVs every 3/4 meters with commercials of the toy that they're trying to sell. The store basically sounds like a video arcade because all the TVs are super loud to get the kids excited. That's the kind of junk that I want to tell you about but I'm so dead because of this weird culture shock jetlag syndrome.

I suppose, I knew I was getting myself into this. I don't really have a support structure here besides Helene and we really haven't had time to go out and meet other Gaijin (foreigners) because we're so dead in the evenings. We've been relying on each other and it's been stressful as we don't really have another outlet to explain all our craziness to. The result is that we get on each others nerves at times. But we relax and realize that this is not who we are and that the situation is very taxing on us as individuals and as a couple and we hope that things will get easier. I'm sure they will.

This story of 'how I'm doing' can ultimately can be summed up with what I just said. After the first week or so when things started to get more interesting, the stress started to get crazy too. I suppose this can only make me stronger and I hope it won't do any permanent damage to me or my relationship. Right now we need to relax take it easy and take things as they come one at a time.

In order to tell the most stories that I can, I need your questions to keep me going. So if you have any questions please leave a comment.