Has Ottawa Changed?

Since leaving to France 3 years ago, I’ve come back and visited Canada 5 times. Each previous trip left some good memories but overall a sense of disappointment. I can rationalize that the disappointment came from not having enough time, bad organization and other people’s busy schedules. But more than that, it was a sense that little had changed and life in Ottawa remained stagnant. This is always the feeling that one gets when they’re gone for a period of time from their home town and, yet, this was also my honest opinion of the state of affairs in Ottawa. It honestly felt the same. People were doing the same things and overall had the same ideas about what they wanted without knowing how to bring about this change. I too was searching for change but didn’t know what I wanted.

This year, my visit back to Canada was not only highly enjoyable, but I could really see the changes in the city, the people and mostly myself. I can look back at what I left behind 3 years ago and I was truly happy to see what I came back to in 2010. One could suggest that the reason I felt disappointed before was that I hadn’t changed enough myself to really feel a sense of difference. I think it’s more than that. I really feel that everyone I know has made leaps and bounds since I’ve been gone and it truly is wonderful to see. Babies and houses, school and jobs have all been shuffled around for the better.

The issues that I’ve been dealing with for the last few years have simply to do with not knowing what to do with myself. People say to me that they hope I will find what I am looking for but it’s not that simple. It’s about finding your passion and keeping yourself busy in ways that make you happy without feeling that sense of stagnation. I felt there was a sense of stagnation for a while even though I was travelling. I didn’t know where to apply myself. Now it seems that some form of maturity has embraced me and those I know to give us some idea of what to do with ourselves. But I can only hope that what everyone is doing right now is something that they enjoy and not simply settling because they gave up trying or got backed into a corner somehow. It’s hard to tell sometimes because people can rationalize most of their decisions and trick themselves into believing that they are happy. It’s important to take that step back and assess and not just live day to day.

There are other reasons why this trip was particularly great. I got some nice reverse-culture shock which is always fun. I didn’t have to take any summer school this year which I had done the last two summers I visited. I spent a week in the U.S. which was interesting. The weather was really great. But overall people made a serious effort to plan things out and have fun. Because everyone is busy it takes more of an effort to see people so planning has to be involved.

For the first time, I’m thinking that I actually miss living in Canada. The trauma of having to deal with cross-cultural communication for the last 3 years has been tiresome and sometime back in Ottawa would be relaxing but that won’t be happening for another two years at least and I already know it won’t be permanent.

I know many people want me to move back to Ottawa but the truth is no matter how many friends and family members I have there, I simply can’t see myself staying there for the rest of my life. Canada overall, I feel, has little to offer me in the long term. There are many reasons that I can get into but overall the real feeling is that, even though the trauma of living in other cultures is tiring, it does provide a constant simulation and an overall avoidance of stagnation.

It is my firm belief that one must live outside of their comfort zone in order to constantly learn more about themselves and keep their brain stimulated. Staying in your home town / country / job / relationship / hobby / routine is simply not stimulating enough for the human brain to keep interest alive. Not when the world is so big and complicated and it’s impossible to do everything.

The things that attract me back to Ottawa besides, obviously, friends and family is government work, and a chance to improve my French in an atmosphere that’s not overwhelming. Learning French in France was very exhausting. A few years back in would feel nice. But there are still lots of places that are worth seeing and living in.

For the next two years it’s all about going back to school. I regret that I will have little cash to do much more than that. But that’s the trade-off.