Two days ago would have been the five-month anniversary of our arrival in Japan. I can honestly say that I'm not the same person I was when I arrived here. Almost every day I feel that things in my life are changing and I really don't see the world in the way I did before. Not all of these changes are directly from Japan itself. Honestly, it is simply the atmosphere here in Kyoto that helps me achieve a focus that I've never had before. Kyoto has a incredibly relaxed atmosphere certainly not found in other places in Japan. Osaka and Tokyo are busy metropolitan areas but Kyoto has a speed where I can really feel in control over what's happening in any given day. Very Zen.
What has changed in 5 months: First of all was my huge change in weight. I'm still working on making that a permanent change in my life but I can already see the huge impact that it has made to my energy and attention. Secondly, I've really started to enjoy foods that I normally wouldn't eaten in the past. Kiwis for example are a daily thing for me. I find new and interesting food here all the time and it always surprises me. It never tastes like what you expect it to. I've also become more daring in trying some of the local foods.
But overall what has really changed is how I see of myself. both physically and emotionally. The new body just comes with the new mind. I've been thinking a lot about France and the overall meaning that it had in my life and I will always look back at that being the moment where my life began to change for the better. When I arrived in France, I was very lost, personally, physically, emotionally, and professionally. In reflection, I have now realised that I was so badly institutionalised that I didn't have the ambition or the direction or knowledge to make the kind of decisions I wanted to make in my life. What I'm talking about is really knowing myself and knowing what I need to do to be happy. Up until I left to go to France, most of my life was a reaction to the events of the day before and preparation for the following day. I didn't have any long term goals and for that matter I didn't really want to think about it. Most of my life up until that point was laid out for me in some form. Go to school, graduate, get a job you'll hate, get a mortgage, have some kids, stay in debt until you die. I honestly, don't see that as a window to being happy and even though I will have to do it in some form, I want to do it in the best way I can and not simply settle on what comes my way.
In France, I went through a breakdown period to really see what I was made of. And I have to admit it was very hard. I can honestly say that that experience will probably be viewed as one of the hardest in my life simply because I had no idea where I was going. Paris is not the most welcoming place. The people are rude and life is expensive and not easy. I know that I would have never gone through the necessary changes that I needed if I had come to Japan first. Life here is much more accommodating for the foreigner then it is in Paris. What I mean is that a Gaijin here can just spend time with other Gaijin and never really get involved with Japanese culture altogether. That's probably what I would have done if I had come here first.
The biggest change that has happened since my days in France is that at least now I know where it is I want to get to in my life. I know what I have to do to be happy. I'm not sure I can or should spell it out right now. I've read different books on how to redirect my life and what every program, book and podcast I've listed to has in common is simply this: Really look at yourself and write down everything about who you are, what you value and what you believe. The more you can commit to paper the better. Then write down everything you ever want in any manner of your life. See the path that needs to be made to go from where you are to where you want to be. Make baby-steps to get there. The problem for me and probably for most people is the part about really knowing yourself. That's the steps that I've made and the direction that I'm going.
I think its important to constantly re-evaluate one's long-term goals and come June I'll let you know where things are going with me. In April my boss is returning to his home here in Japan and as such I lose my job and my accommodation. To quickly recap, I've been doing teacher substitution for him while he was away and house-sitting for him. Thus in April, Helene and I will be looking for a new place to live in Kyoto. I've also decided that I will devote April to learning Japanese. I need a better kick-start to that project. What I meant when I say is that June is when I will hear back from the universities I plan to apply to. After a great deal of contemplation I believe the best course for me is to go back to school and get a Master's degree in International Relations. This means that, if I'm accepted, I will remain in Japan for at least another two years from October when the first semester starts.
I'm scared as hell over the prospect of going back to school and I know how hard that is going to be. On top of that it is really hard to live in another culture. Sometimes I feel really welcomed here because Japanese people are really welcoming but other times it's always made clear to me that I'm not one of them and I never will be. So it gets lonely out here and I would really like to thank everyone who comes to my blog and reads my stories. You comments really mean a lot to me and I would love everyone who somehow finds my blog to say a little something when you come and visit. It will encourage me to keep this thing going.
Miss you all and I hope to come and visit soon.
What has changed in 5 months: First of all was my huge change in weight. I'm still working on making that a permanent change in my life but I can already see the huge impact that it has made to my energy and attention. Secondly, I've really started to enjoy foods that I normally wouldn't eaten in the past. Kiwis for example are a daily thing for me. I find new and interesting food here all the time and it always surprises me. It never tastes like what you expect it to. I've also become more daring in trying some of the local foods.
But overall what has really changed is how I see of myself. both physically and emotionally. The new body just comes with the new mind. I've been thinking a lot about France and the overall meaning that it had in my life and I will always look back at that being the moment where my life began to change for the better. When I arrived in France, I was very lost, personally, physically, emotionally, and professionally. In reflection, I have now realised that I was so badly institutionalised that I didn't have the ambition or the direction or knowledge to make the kind of decisions I wanted to make in my life. What I'm talking about is really knowing myself and knowing what I need to do to be happy. Up until I left to go to France, most of my life was a reaction to the events of the day before and preparation for the following day. I didn't have any long term goals and for that matter I didn't really want to think about it. Most of my life up until that point was laid out for me in some form. Go to school, graduate, get a job you'll hate, get a mortgage, have some kids, stay in debt until you die. I honestly, don't see that as a window to being happy and even though I will have to do it in some form, I want to do it in the best way I can and not simply settle on what comes my way.
In France, I went through a breakdown period to really see what I was made of. And I have to admit it was very hard. I can honestly say that that experience will probably be viewed as one of the hardest in my life simply because I had no idea where I was going. Paris is not the most welcoming place. The people are rude and life is expensive and not easy. I know that I would have never gone through the necessary changes that I needed if I had come to Japan first. Life here is much more accommodating for the foreigner then it is in Paris. What I mean is that a Gaijin here can just spend time with other Gaijin and never really get involved with Japanese culture altogether. That's probably what I would have done if I had come here first.
The biggest change that has happened since my days in France is that at least now I know where it is I want to get to in my life. I know what I have to do to be happy. I'm not sure I can or should spell it out right now. I've read different books on how to redirect my life and what every program, book and podcast I've listed to has in common is simply this: Really look at yourself and write down everything about who you are, what you value and what you believe. The more you can commit to paper the better. Then write down everything you ever want in any manner of your life. See the path that needs to be made to go from where you are to where you want to be. Make baby-steps to get there. The problem for me and probably for most people is the part about really knowing yourself. That's the steps that I've made and the direction that I'm going.
I think its important to constantly re-evaluate one's long-term goals and come June I'll let you know where things are going with me. In April my boss is returning to his home here in Japan and as such I lose my job and my accommodation. To quickly recap, I've been doing teacher substitution for him while he was away and house-sitting for him. Thus in April, Helene and I will be looking for a new place to live in Kyoto. I've also decided that I will devote April to learning Japanese. I need a better kick-start to that project. What I meant when I say is that June is when I will hear back from the universities I plan to apply to. After a great deal of contemplation I believe the best course for me is to go back to school and get a Master's degree in International Relations. This means that, if I'm accepted, I will remain in Japan for at least another two years from October when the first semester starts.
I'm scared as hell over the prospect of going back to school and I know how hard that is going to be. On top of that it is really hard to live in another culture. Sometimes I feel really welcomed here because Japanese people are really welcoming but other times it's always made clear to me that I'm not one of them and I never will be. So it gets lonely out here and I would really like to thank everyone who comes to my blog and reads my stories. You comments really mean a lot to me and I would love everyone who somehow finds my blog to say a little something when you come and visit. It will encourage me to keep this thing going.
Miss you all and I hope to come and visit soon.
Congrats on making it to the 5 month mark! I think it's really amazing and inspiring that you have been so successfull with moving to different countries and finding work and everything. It really is amazing. I really enjoy your blog so keep it up!
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