English Pronunciation

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.
After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud.
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Fe0ffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité

Cameron's mistake

The UK's deficit is one of the worst in the EU; as bad as Greece's. The new treaty that David Cameron vetoed yesterday is designed to get countries on track on their spending. It was aimed at only the Eurozone but even the other 9 countries want in on it. In addition, in times of crisis when more money is needed and spending will be limited by the treaty the EU will provide help through the central bailout system. With the UK not being part of this system that means that the UK can spend as much as it wants and dig its hole deeper and if it is in trouble it won't get any money from the EU. With the UK's current economic situation it needs assistance to balance its finances and get itself back on track. This treaty wouldn't have cost the UK any money since it’s not part of the Eurozone. Simply, Cameron is worried that the current anti-Euro sentiment in the UK will split his party. People in the UK use the EU as a scapegoat because they don’t want to fess up to the problems that they face. The UK barely spends any money on the EU and receives enormous benefits.

UK October - Things are going smoothly

Hey guys here's a update on what's going on with me.

Things here are going really well in the UK. We got a place near the town center of Lancaster and it’s bigger than the one in Japan. Not as cheap though. But I couldn’t find a better deal since there are three universities in this town. The place is furnished and overall it’s great, except for the occasional slugs and the roof leaking. We had some guy come by and check it out, don’t know how far that got yet.

School started about three weeks ago. I’m taking four classes: Diplomacy, Conflict Transformation, International Relations Theory, and European Union. I'm overwhelmed with the reading and I’m worried about the final assignments. There is so much more reading than in Japan. All the papers for this term are due January 16th, so until then its work time.  Learning diplomacy is a lot like learning about the WWF. Everything is about show-boating and secret alliances and it’s all FAKE. But I’m meeting lots of people from all over. Mostly from Europe but there are some Canadians here too. Overall the students are really nice and always interested to tell and listen to stories. We just go down to a café or pub on campus (we have 8 pubs on campus) and chat. I even started a Facebook group for the postgraduates. The school unfortunately tries to rip you off every chance it gets: overcharging for late fees, paying for the gym, expensive cafeterias, expensive photocopies, etc.

Money is tight though which is a pain. Currently waiting to see if I’ll get any scholarships but something may be coming from Japan. Most of the grocery shopping we do online since it comes with free delivery and you can compare different stores.

People here are really nice. Everyone is open to tell you things if you don't understand them. Most forgive me if I don’t understand their strange accent or if they use a word that I’ve never heard before. They sometimes treat me as the ignorant Canadian since I don’t know many things that they take as normal.  The rain comes and goes though which is a pain and it’s starting to get cold.

The good news is that most of the packages I sent from Japan arrived recently. Helene’s parents drove them up last weekend. Mostly everything arrived all right. The clothes smell really bad and needed to be washed again. The one thing I didn’t think of when I shipped the electronics was that Japan is 100v and the UK is 220v. So I’m currently looking into converters.

I’m thinking of going to Canada for Christmas. Currently looking into tickets. It seems that if I buy a ticket to Dublin on a low cost airline, fly to Halifax and take another low cost airline from Halifax to Ottawa, I shave half the cost. That’s what I did this summer with Dubai and it totally worked, if you don’t mind waiting around in airports.

Overall, I’m a little stressed right now. Not knowing how to organise myself is causing me to worry a lot. I’m trying to remain focused but it’s hard to concentrate right now. I want to go out and meet people and do well in school but right now those don’t seem compatible. Do you know what I mean?  

I sometimes miss Japan; the food, the house and the lifestyle and of course Ritsumeikan. Teaching English wasn’t so bad either. I miss my students.

On a brighter note, I love exploring a new country. The UK has so many things to offer; new food, beer, ways of life and people. Later in the month we’ll be going to Helene’s grandparent’s house in Southampton. Should be a great trip. They are lovely people.

Here’s a fun link I found if you’re a lord of the rings fan. http://www.mocpages.com/moc.php/276793

Hit me back with some updates. I would love to know more about what you’re doing.

Cheers

MIKE

Jobs in America

John Smith started the day early having set his alarmclock 

(MADE IN JAPAN ) 

for 6 am .. While his coffeepot 

(MADE IN CHINA) 

was perking, he shaved with his electric razor 

(MADE IN HONG KONG)
He put on a dress shirt 

(MADE IN SRI LANKA), 

 designer jeans 

(MADE IN SINGAPORE)
and tennis shoes 

(MADE IN KOREA)
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet  

(MADE IN INDIA)
he sat down with his calculator
(MADE IN MEXICO)
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch
(MADE IN TAIWAN )
to the radio
(MADE IN INDIA)
he got in his car
(MADE IN GERMANY)
filled it with GAS
(MADE IN SAUDI ARABIA)
and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer
(MADE IN MALAYSIA ),
John decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals
(MADE IN BRAZIL ),
poured himself a glass of wine
(MADE IN FRANCE ) and turned on his TV
(MADE IN INDONESIA ),  

and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA

Pyramid Hotel

Hey everyone. Yesterday I celebrated the gift of internet in the UK so it's time for some more updates. Above is a video from the Pyramid Hotel in Dubai. When I left Japan, I had a three day stopover in Dubai before I went to France. Helene's uncle and aunt live there and they took really good care of me. Dubai is small. You can drive through it in just a short time but there is so much to see. Besides "skyscrapers in the desert" the place can be described as "people who have too much money"

Unfortunately, I was there during Ramadan which meant no eating or drinking in public. That meant that in the daytime we had to stay indoors somewhere rather than enjoying the 50C heat. Once you're outside, you become thirsty in a matter of minutes. So not being able to drink made exploration difficult. The good news is that Dubai is very accommodating for foreigners, so certain restaurants and places will allow food. Just don't be flaunting it publicly. 

For the three days I was there, I saw a lot of malls. The above video is from the Pyramid mall/hotel. Very impressive. The mall had my eyes darting from one corner to the next. So many things you wouldn't see in normal circumstances. Just imagine a prestigious brand name like Prada and then you come across the Prada cafe. Strange no? This mall the Pyramid had an indoor aquarium that offers swimming with the fish/sharks. 

Master's of IR Half-Done

It’s been a while since I’ve written one of these things. But I’ll try my best to be quick with an update. This post will be about me and my school situation.

Last semester went well, classes were interesting and not that disruptive to my thesis writing. The class on Diplomacy was very enlightening. At the end of the semester I had planned on submitting a fair chunk of my final thesis. We were required to hand in about 40-50% of the final paper and, from talking with some others, I gather that they handed in only about 30-40%. I think this is typical as most took too many classes in the second semester. I on the other hand worked crazy hard in the last month and handed in a great deal more; I also only took minimal classes. The result is that I actually finished my thesis. That's right FINISHED IT! I was working on it until the final hour before it was due. Everything just fell into place in the last month. It’s full of typos and needs some polishing up but, for a two-year program, I finished most of what was required in a year. This year will be smooth sailing asI it will only need minimal work before its final submission.  On top of that my seminar professor was very impressed with it and gave me the coveted A+. For my first thesis I’m shocked.

If anyone is interested to know the details about it, I posted the abstract on April 18^th. More or less it’s about how large the European Union can grow based on its previous patterns and current orientation.

I pushed myself to finish my work this year, rather than dragging it out, because I was planning on being accepted to the dual masters course that I previously wrote about. Well it turns out that I got into the program at Lancaster University and I’ll be starting from scratch in October. For this program I have to write another thesis and I didn’t want two significant papers sitting on my neck at the end of next year.After all that waiting I finally got in. Not sure if I could have made it if I applied directly. I'm thankful to Ritsumeikan University for that chance.

I’ve been thinking about what my next thesis will be about since I finished the topic that I was previously working on. I’ve evaluated how far the EU can go now, as it has grown to a significant size, I think the main topic should be its foreign policy towards Russia. Power politics between the EU and Russia is very interesting to me. As I have a Russian background it may be helpful for me to know more about that region of the world. 

With that being said and school being finished in Japan, I’m now in Lancaster, UK, waiting for my next program to start. Visa in hand and house confirmed. October 7^th will be a new start for me in the UK.

To all you Americans out there!

A Message from John Cleese to the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except California, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.Congress and the Senate will be Disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

2. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

3. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour', 'honour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters,and the suffix '-ize' will be eliminated. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

4. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

5. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

6. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns,lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

7. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God save the Queen.